How are you?
When you live with a chronic disease, this everyday question can feel like a trap.
“Does this person really want to know how I’m doing — or is she just being polite?” you wonder. If you opt to share the actual truth, is the nascent conversation going to screech to an uncomfortable halt?
As someone who has lived with multiple sclerosis for a decade, when I’m asked this question, I usually say I’m fine, even if I’m not. There’s a great deal of pressure on folks with chronic illnesses to feign wellness so we don’t make people regret speaking with us.
There’s a great deal of pressure on folks with chronic illnesses to feign wellness so we don’t make people regret speaking with us.
Yet there are many days when this incurable, degenerative autoimmune disease makes me most definitely not fine, like during hot and humid summer months when the areas of my brain that MS damaged make me ill. Or when my MS fatigue — imagine you’re a smartphone that suddenly can’t hold a charge — renders me unable to function or think properly.
This is why Emmy-winning actor Christina Applegate’s candid descriptions of how she’s faring with her MS make me feel seen and understood. During the publicity tour for her new memoir, “You with the Sad Eyes” — released during MS Awareness Month — Applegate has said that sharing the difficult truths about the effects of the disease, refusing to sugarcoat it, is her goal.
In an interview, People magazine described the “Dead to Me” and “Anchorman” star as needing to lie in bed most days because of physical pain from her condition. “People’s lives … f–––ing suck sometimes,” Applegate said. “So I’m being as honest and raw as I possibly can.”
In an appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Applegate also discussed her launch of a web platform for people with MS. “There’s got to be more communities that are not, like, sentimental and weird. I’m weird. … Let’s talk weird about MS.” In a promo video for the site, Next In MS, she promised to share everything from “honest conversations about the ugly truths to the real, genuine wins.”
“Yes,” I thought, “more of Applegate’s brand of honesty, please.”
To be fair, she’s been doing this honesty thing since March 2024, when she launched the podcast “MeSsy” with fellow actor and MS patient Jamie-Lynn Sigler. They’ve discussed topics like parenting children when you’re exhausted and in pain, and struggling with your sense of self-worth when the disease strips you of the ability to do the things you want to do. Their first episode was aptly titled “How Are You?”
For someone of Applegate’s stature not only to raise awareness about what MS is — a disease of the central nervous system that affects an estimated 1 million people in the United States and almost 3 million globally, according to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society — but also to be so candid about it gives people who aren’t famous permission to speak with more candor. When people hear about the impact of MS on a celebrity, that creates a foundation of understanding on which MSers can build with our friends and family. In a recent interview on “Good Morning America,” host Robin Roberts asked Applegate if she’s still grieving her 2021 diagnosis. The actor said that the disease still does “suck,” and that none of the people she knows with MS would ever say that they’re “great.” “Where am I with acceptance? Not at all. I hate it.” “There is no ‘great,’” she said. “There’s a better day and a less s––––y day. … Where am I with acceptance? Not at all. I hate it.” This wasn’t a “woe is me” response. It was real. It was something I’d say if I was being truthful about living with relapsing remitting MS during summer days when I’m trapped inside air-conditioned spaces so I don’t become nauseated, lose limb strength or become cognitively fuzzy as my vision becomes impaired. It. Sucks. And thanks to Applegate’s frankness, whether in her book or in the spaces she is helping us build as a community, perhaps I’ll be able to muster the courage to answer the question “How are you?” a little more honestly next time.
Meredith O’Brien is the author of six books, including a memoir, "Uncomfortably Numb: A Memoir about the Life-Altering Diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis," and "Uncomfortably Numb 2: An Anthology for Newly-Diagnosed MS Patients." She is a trustee for the Greater New England Chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. 
