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There’s a lot of serious stuff going on in Washington these days. That’s why I was thankful to see Fox News’ Jesse Watters send a correspondent to Capitol Hill this week to tackle one of the more pressing issues of our time: What do Republican congressmen think about Watters’ “rules for men”?
Watters unveiled this inspired list in March, which he said was mostly “just funny” and “not that serious.” It urges men to avoid such unmanly activities as eating soup in public, crossing their legs and drinking from a straw, among other things.
“One of the reasons you don’t drink from a straw is the way your lips purse,” Watters said on Fox News’ “The Five” at the time. “It’s very effeminate.”
It would seem Rep. Tim Burchett agrees.
“I don’t drink out of a straw, brother,” the Tennessee Republican told Fox News when asked to comment on Watters’ anti-straw guidance on Thursday. “That’s what the women in my house do.”
Burchett's office sent me a statement in response to my inquiry about whether he was being serious, which, frankly, would be concerning if he was. The statement suggested the "mainstream media" was "grasping at straws."
“We are glad that the media is focusing on the issue of straw usage that Americans so deeply care about," Burchett said in the statement. "My staff is working around the clock to address this problem in response to multiple media inquiries. We urged for Straw Policy to be included in the House version of the Big Beautiful Bill. Now, I am calling on the U.S. Senate to act on this vital issue in their version of the legislation. I recognize the importance of Straw Policy to the American people, and I want to assure everyone that I hear you.”
I assume it's meant to be tongue-in-cheek, though it doesn't directly address whether he avoids using straws.
There is hope he’s joking. As Vanity Fair pointed out, Burchett hasn’t always been opposed to straws. It was just last November when he posed with a milkshake — and straw! — on Instagram.
“Milkshakes before noon and great responses at the polls in Claiborne and Grainger Counties — can’t beat it!” Burchett wrote in the caption.
What’s more, Burchett signed Trump’s executive order in February seeking to end the “irrational campaign against plastic straws.” That sure seems like something a guy who likes straws would do.
The Watters “rules for men” tour also included a question about male companionship, which would actually be a great topic for discussion, given recent studies on male loneliness in the U.S.
But Watters, of course, says real men don’t have “male best friends.” When asked for his reaction to that rule, Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, told Fox News, “Jesse needs a friend.”