Transcript: Healing in Buffalo

Fragrance Harris Stanfield: Just trying to wrap my head around doing that and just, you know, what it means and stuff like that. Like, you know, representing so many people is kind of hard sometimes.

Trymaine Lee: Fragrance Harris Stanfield has always loved performing her music. But as she unloads her car and heads inside a small coffee shop in Buffalo, Fragrance is thinking about how long it's been since she's performed in public.

Stanfield: Very anxious, nervous, I don't know, I didn't sleep very well. I kept waking up. That's what happens. Take that one. You got it?

Lee: Nearly a year ago, Fragrance was working at the nearby Tops Supermarket when a white gunman showed up at the store with an AR-15 and opened fire, killing 10 Black people and wounding three others.

Archival Recording: This is the worst nightmare that any community can face.

Archival Recording: He was very heavily armed. He had tactical gear.

Archival Recording: Sources say at least two rifles were recovered at the scene with the N word apparently etched into one weapon.

Archival Recording: This was pure evil, straight up racially-motivated hate crime.

Lee: For Fragrance, for most of the people in the store that morning, the scars are invisible and that makes what she's decided to do here even more important.

Stanfield: This is a moment and a space for the survivors. So it's just giving us a voice, just giving us a voice so people know who we are and kind of what we went through. We're the survivors.

Lee: We first met Fragrance just two months after the shooting, as the store was preparing to reopen. I drove with her to the reopening ceremony, as she was still trying to process what happened.

Stanfield: Physically, I can feel the thought of the possibility of even going close enough to be in the building.

Lee: What does that feel like?

Stanfield: There's a tightness. You know, I feel a tightening of all my core muscles right now. Honestly, all of the rush of everything is starting to settle in. I can feel that I'm this close.

Lee: And we stayed in contact ever since, checking in from time to time, like around the holidays last year. At that point, she told us she was in the thick of healing with the help of counseling, but she felt the world wanted her and the other survivors to just move on.

Stanfield: It's these assumptions and stereotypes about Black people that we can just take pain and just kind of move on with it. And most of that is coping and that's what we, as Black people, are expected to do and I feel that it has been exacerbated over the last four months and it's not OK.

Archival Recording: Sound check.

Lee: Fragrance still carries all of that hurt and trauma. But she's determined to make this performance a healing space for herself and for her fellow survivors, and to raise awareness about their ongoing suffering.

Stanfield: I think it's being treated more like we were in a car accident. We made it out. We should just be happy and it's more like Beirut. We feel like we've been in a war without a choice.

Lee: The coffee shop gig is casual. The room has a nervous but warm energy. Fragrance sits on a stool, guitar in hand, and then she starts to sing.

Stanfield: (SINGING) Oh, be happy, be happy. Be sad.

Lee: Family, friends and fellow survivors sit at wooden tables all around the shop, soaking in the music.

Stanfield: (SINGING) No one does what you do. You have to know that you are special. Oh. You have to confidence in yourself. You have to believe in you, my dear friend.

Lee: Fragrance’s oldest daughter, Yahnia, is also a survivor. When we spoke with Fragrance in December, Yahnia was having a really hard time. Now, Fragrance tells the crowd her daughter is doing better.

Stanfield: And I think she had a tough time not being at Tops. So she went back to work because she didn't know how to rebalance herself without being at Tops. She would be there on her work day and on her off day. She would be there.

Lee: And to honor their daughter. Fragrance and her husband performed a duet together, which was Yahnia’s favorite song to sing with her parents as a kid.

Stanfield: (SINGING DUET WITH HUSBAND) And paint a picture, a complexly beautiful picture. Picture the complexity of love.

Lee: As Fragrance packs up, surrounded by family and friends, a few folks share what the show meant to them.

Archival Recording: Her heart is so big. Her voice says it.

Archival Recording: I think it's a healing process and a journey.

Archival Recording: Soulful, I would say very soulful.

Archival Recording: As a community, everyone is trying to move forward, but you can't move forward until you’re healed. And I think as a community, we're trying to do that.

Archival Recording: Good work.

Archival Recording: Yeah.

Archival Recording: Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

Stanfield: Thank you. Thank you for coming.

Archival Recording: Thank you for sharing.

Stanfield: Of course. Thank you.

Lee: This performance, reclaiming her voice through song in such a public way is a huge step for Fragrance. And for the past year, so many people in the community have been doing what they can to help East Buffalo recover. We've heard stories of people inspired to run for office to advocate and fight for this city.

We've heard about someone working to bring healthy food options to the community so that Buffalonians can nourish their bodies. And we've heard stories about all of the people who are pouring extra care into the minds and spirits of young people, passing down a kind of resilience that is crucial to life in a place like Buffalo, but especially Black life in a place like Buffalo.

Archival Recording: We all know that in this life, you have to be able to balance the horrific with the joy. And so we're hoping that through the music, they'll be able to balance out and bring themselves some joy in the community.

Lee: One example is the Love Supreme School of Music. Students from the school will be participating in a series of free concerts happening close to Tops, a way of bringing joy, beauty and healing to the neighborhood.

And we're diving deep into one special story of a nurse whose work goes far beyond the physical, to help mend the spiritual and emotional wounds left a year ago.

Trinetta Alston: I can almost feel what it is they felt. And if I can take a little bit of that away from them just for a minute, then I'm going to take a little bit away. Eventually, I'm going to chisel it all out.

Lee: I'm Trymaine Lee and this is “Into America.”

It's been a year since the racist attack in East Buffalo, but there are signs of healing that's come through a persistent and unwavering love from the people. Today, we're headed back to Buffalo to learn how a community is piecing itself back together from the ground on up.

So, now I'm just pulling up to the Tops Supermarket right now, and it looks a little different from the last time I was here. There had been a bunch of balloons and stuffed animals on that far right corner. Now, there's nothing, but there are signs saying that the store will be closed on May 14th.

So I'm pulling in right now. I'm here at Tops Friendly Market at 1275 Jefferson Avenue in East Buffalo to meet Trinetta Alston.

Alston: OK. You’re ready? Let’s go. We'll get a spare.

Archival Recording: I'll do.

Lee: Trinetta is a nurse at the Community Health Center of Buffalo. But since May 14th, she spent a lot of time at Tops, supporting the survivors who still work here. Manager Nikki Moore says employees call her the store nurse.

Nikki Moore: I'd say on average, she's in here maybe at least four times a week. And no matter when she comes through the door, her face is bright.

Lee: Trinetta or Nurse T as folks like the call her, spends her hours here checking up on employees and attending to their mental health and well-being.

Alston: Hey.

Lorraine Baker: Boo boo!

(LAUGHTER)

Alston: I love you.

Lee: Lorraine Baker, who goes by Rinniey, is another store manager. When Rinniey sees Nurse T, she wraps her up in a big hug.

Baker: And she's the best. I'm telling you all, she is the best.

Alston: Oh, my God.

Baker: You know how much I like you. I had to be at work at 2 o'clock, 10 minutes early for you. (LAUGH)

Lee: Rinniey knows Trinetta won't boast about all she's done for the store, so she does it for her.

Baker: You first said to us, like Nurse, you told us to go to the doctor. You said, had to bring in the doctors (ph). I'm going to tell your doctor all your name, and I thank that because we need that. When I took sick in September and couldn't breathe, didn't know what was wrong with me, I called you. You said, go to the hospital.

Lee: Almost a year ago, on Sunday, May 15th, the day after the shooting, Trinetta’s boss at the health clinic called her with some marching orders. “We need you at the nearby Merriweather Library tomorrow,” she told her, “to help care for the survivors of the shooting.” Trinetta didn't know exactly what she was going to do.

She doesn't typically work in trauma response and assumed the folks weren’t coming to the library with medical injuries. But she's the kind of person who will do anything for her community. So she showed up, and Nikki says Nurse T has been showing up ever since.

Moore: I don't care what kind of day you were having, she'll walk the store. But every time she comes in here, her face just lit up and that is nice to see because sometimes when she come in, I'm not in the best place. But just seeing her, I'll hunt her down.

Oh, Nurse T is here? Yeah, she went down the bread aisle.

(LAUGHTER)

You go to find her.

Archival Recording: I came in the shop.

(LAUGHTER)

And I'm going to shop, get some bread.

Lee: I talked with the three of them, Trinetta, Rinniey and Nikki to see how the last year has been and how Trinetta has helped.

Alston: Because, you know, my mother started giving Rinniey --

Baker: But those greens were good.

(LAUGHTER)

Alston: -- you know, instructions on how to make greens. So now they think that my mother is their mother and that --

Lee: And she is, right? Yeah?

(LAUGHTER)

Alston: And the greens that she makes are supposed to be their greens when they're my greens.

Lee: Yeah. You seem like old friends, but do you remember the first time you all met Trinetta?

Moore: At the library.

Baker: Yeah, at the library. It was a Monday.

(LAUGHTER)

Lee: And what was that like?

Baker: She looked at us like we were crazy.

(LAUGHTER)

Alston: So for Nikki, I met Nikki after I finished talking to her husband. She came in and she was walking like she was in pain a little bit. And you know, I'm like, are you OK?

And she was like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm like, are you sure? She's like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. And then, like, later on that day, she came in and she talked to me and told me, you know, what she was going through with her leg, and then it went to what happened that Saturday.

For Rinniey, Rinniey came in the room that I was in, introduced herself and like, you're not eating? I'm like, no, I'm going to wait for everybody else to eat. And Rinniey came back, he had me something to eat, and then she sat down and she started talking to me about the 5-14 incident.

We've just been connected ever since.

Lee: Wow. Now, I know it's one step at a time, one day at a time. There are good days and bad days. But how is the staff doing, especially those who were here that day?

Baker: I think we're doing better than I expected. Some of the employees are doing better than they themselves expected, but some people are still struggling. They are.

Lee: In what ways are folks still struggling?

Baker: Just some days in here, we have customers come in and I know that one day customers were having an altercation and I lost it. I was hysterical. I think I was premature on calling 911, but just hearing the loud noises.

And then, actually, I got sent home because I couldn't reel myself back in. So it's just day-to-day, you don't know, you don't know what might be a trigger. You don't know, you know. So I come in every day positive, and hopefully I leave the same way.

Lee: Minutes before the shots rang out, Nikki had just finished her shift and was on her way home. She hadn't even gotten to her place when her husband, who also works at Tops, called her in a panic from the cooler. That's where a lot of people hid from the gunman.

Moore: And then when my husband called me in the cooler and was hysterical, I didn't even make it home, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. He was talking crazy, bullets and I'm going to die. And I just hung up because his talk was actually making me nervous driving.

So I just hung up on him and I turned around. I was about six, seven blocks because I live by Roswell, but I hadn't quite made it and I came back, and when I came back and saw.

Lee: Trinetta met Nikki, Nikki's husband and Rinniey at the library, she quickly realized that the scope of the problem was going to extend beyond the people directly injured by gunfire.

Alston: When I first met y’all, it wasn't just the associates that was in the store that day. It was all of them in the way that y’all held each other up, comforted each other. That's what really like, I'm like, wow.

That energy that y'all had, that first day that I met y'all is life, and I'm glad y'all continued to keep it. Y'all never separated yourself and was like, well, you weren’t here in the store. And that I love that about y'all. I do. I love that about y'all.

Moore: Because we are family.

Alston: Right. And y'all stay that way.

Moore: Yes.

Alston: Y'all stay. I'll make sure.

Baker: Yeah.

Alston: Yeah.

Baker: You just make sure, Nurse T.

Alston: I'll get some surgical tape and tape y'all back up.

(LAUGHTER)

Lee: Trinetta encourages people to talk about their experience so they can begin to heal.

Alston: And if I can take a little bit of that away from them just for a minute, and I'm going to take a little bit away, eventually, I'm going to chisel it all out. It's going to take me some time, but I'm going to chisel it out. I'm going to have to chisel hard on Rinniey because she’s hard-headed.

She doesn’t listen because she put everybody else before her. And then I'm the pot calling the kettle black because I put everything before me, but I like to see them smile. I like to see them pushing forward.

Lee: She also tries to figure out exactly what people need and to connect them to help, whether it's within the scope of her job or not. Sometimes that's an employee facing eviction or another who's behind on car payments. Sometimes it’s just providing a shoulder or a smile.

Trinetta has never forgotten y'all in the store, but does it sometimes feel like people forget about those of you who have experienced the violence in a different kind of way? You might not have a physical wound, but there are other wounds.

Moore: They have. They have.

Lee: It feels like that?

Moore: And they feel insidious (ph).

Baker: Yeah.

Moore: You know, like now, if you watch the media, they're talking about the 10 victims. May they all rest in peace. The three that got shot, one of them was my cousin.

But you have not heard them not once said what about the employees at Tops at 1275 Jefferson? They have not mentioned us. They have not. Oh, they did mention, oh, the store has reopened and that's about it.

Alston: In this tragedy on May 14th, I don't think they realize how many Tops associates put their own life in danger, you know, shuttling people out the back door, but coming back in to get more. You had an associate who pulled a mother and her child, too. You know what I mean?

And they were forgotten about. They were. They were. And then people got to understand they do what they do for the community.

Have they not been willing to come back in the store? If this store would not be open, and then where would they shop? So they're not doing this for themselves. They're doing this for the community. And the community, some of them --

Moore: Brutal.

Alston: -- forget about them. And even when the store opened back up --

Moore: Brutal.

Alston: -- they came in shopping and this store shouldn't be open, but yet you're in here shopping. Why not say thank you for coming back? How are you doing?

How are you feeling? You know what I'm saying? We got to learn to show a little bit more compassion where compassion is due. We do.

Lee: Even in the midst of all this tragedy, when I see you all like sisters smiling and laughing, was that a journey to get to that point, to be able to smile and laugh?

Moore: Yeah, still a work in progress.

Lee: Some days it's harder to smile than others?

Moore: In the beginning, there was nothing to smile about because then I felt guilty about not being here.

Lee: What does it feel like to be seen when the cameras have gone, the politicians have gone, some of the promises have faded away, but you still have that positive light and you're seem by Trinetta, what does that mean for you?

Moore: That she genuinely --

Baker: Care.

Moore: Right. Take off the name tag, take off the title, take off who she works for. I genuinely think she really cares about our well-being.

Baker: She does. She's --

Moore: It's more than just a job.

Lee: When you say those words, you’re obviously getting emotional. What's touching you when you say those words?

Moore: Because the things she's done for me in my hard struggles, and it was genuine. But anytime I needed her or something, she was there and didn't second guess it. And she didn't judge me or nothing. Like she was there for me. She was there.

Lee: When we come back, why Trinetta is a perfect fit for Tops, and another group in East Buffalo that's using music to heal the community.

(ADVERTISEMENT)

Lee: The shooting at Tops didn't just impact the store and those who work there. The trauma touched the whole community. There are people and groups all over East Buffalo focused on healing that pain, from Fragrance Harris Stanfield to nurse Trinetta Alston, who we’ll hear more from in a minute.

And young people are also getting involved, including a group from the Love Supreme School of Music.

Marcus Lolo: We are now probably less than a mile away from the site, right? And the students came from this community, that they were affected mentally.

Lee: Marcus Lolo is the music director of Love Supreme. They practice inside of Lincoln Memorial Methodist Church, a century-old Black church, just minutes from Tops.

Lolo: My lessons always start with how are you feeling today? Not just in general, today. We're going to do a fifth, one, two.

Lee: The school's mission is to teach jazz to young people free of charge, and not just how to read and play music, but how to use jazz improvisation to help deal with life's unexpected terms.

Lolo: Let's start. Between E and F, what's the interval? Play it.

Archival Recording: E and F?

Lolo: Yeah. Where’s the key? Yes. And F? OK. And how close to E is F? All right, let's try the second one again. One.

Archival Recording: OK.

Lolo: Two, three and. Now, see how the rhythm is different?

Archival Recording: Yeah.

Lolo: This time around, you didn't even think about it and you could see it, right? Let’s go.

Lee: Dawn Martin Berry-Walker oversees Love Supreme through its parent organization, the Pappy Martin Jazz Collective, founded by her father back in the ‘90s. She says the school has always been focused on helping kids through tough times and on being a place of support and healing through music. In the year since 5-14, that mandate has never been stronger.

Dawn Martin Berry-Walker: They come from households that are struggling in many ways, not just financial. And so, part of our commitment to serve them is to make sure we're dealing with the whole child.

Lolo: Yeah, that’s right.

Lee: It looks ready.

Lolo: Now, going for something. Yeah. Let’s hear it. Let’s hear a B flat for me (ph).

Berry-Walker: The music has the power to really cleanse you, clean you out, and then fill it with something beautiful.

Lolo: Yeah. It's right next to it, right?

Lee: Genesis Thompson, a 16-year-old piano student, agrees. She's here with her younger brother, Zachariah, who plays trumpet.

Genesis Thompson: When I am having rough times and I'm upset and I just don't feel like playing the keyboard, once I actually get there and I turn on the keyboard and I start playing, it like changes my emotions completely because it makes me feel uplifted. It makes me feel joy when I'm playing it.

Lee: This summer, the Martin Jazz Collective will be hosting the Celestial Jazz Series billed as the Series that Heals. All the shows are free, featuring world-class musicians and will be performed at venues close to Tops. Students from Love Supreme will have an opportunity to perform at each show.

The series is being funded in part by a $1.4 million grant from New York State to support mental health programs in East Buffalo in the wake of the shooting.

Thompson: If people are going through rough times, someone would play like their trumpet or keyboard or their flute or something for them just to cheer them up. And then all of a sudden, when this one person does this thing for them, like it really lifts their spirit because it makes them feel like they're not alone.

Lee: Another local organization that's set to receive money from New York State's mental health grant is Nurse Trinetta Alston’s employer, the Community Health Center of Buffalo.

LaVonne Ansari: People sort of define community-based medicine in many different ways, but for us, we function as we're all one.

Lee: Dr. Ansari is the CEO of the Center, which follows the community health model, providing basic medical, dental and behavioral care at little to no cost. They focus on preventative medicine, working to keep East Buffalo residents healthy in the face of stressors like poverty and racism. But they weren't prepared for something like 5-14.

Ansari: If you have a tornado, if you have floods, there's an emergency plan. But there is no plan when someone comes to kill you with an AR-15 and just slaughters us. There's no plan.

Lee: Dr. Ansari in the center couldn't sit by and watch the tragedy unfold in their community. So they turned to their strength, their deep connection with the people of East Buffalo. And Dr. Ansari knew who to call.

Ansari: Because Trinetta is Trinetta. Trinetta knows the community. She's for the community. She advocates for the community. But more importantly, she is the community.

Lee: Trinetta was born and raised in East Buffalo, and she's lived through her own tough times here.

Alston: So I had an addiction. I had a crack cocaine addiction. I had it for 13 years. The last four years of my addiction, I was homeless. I found out I was four months pregnant with my son. That's when I decided to clean myself up.

And then after I had my son, I decided I was like, well, I want to do something to show love because love was shown to me. I never slept on the street when I was homeless, and I had people, family and community members who genuinely cared about me. So I wanted to give that love back.

Nursing is the only field that I know of where you can genuinely care for somebody and they don't think you want anything in return. So that's what drew me into nursing.

Lee: At the health center, Trinetta serves as a community nurse. She's also the vaccine coordinator and handles the center's COVID response, and she's a doula. At Tops, her duties are even more wide-ranging.

Alston: So I'll go around to where the registers are, talk to all of the ones that are at the register, ask them do they need anything? Walk to the manager's office to let them know I'm there, look into their break room, go and sit and talk to them in there. I walk around to the back in the freezer section and I go in there and I talk to them.

I go down to carry-out. I talk to them. I make my rounds all the way around the store. And when I leave, I stop at customer service and lean in and talk to them to see how they're doing.

At the same time, if anybody tells me they need anything, I write all of that down or I commit it to memory and I'll come back. I'll let my CEO know what's needed, what's not needed, how are they doing, and then I take it from there.

Lee: So when they tell you what they need, what are they usually asking for? What are they saying they need?

Alston: Food, help with a bill being paid, counseling, dental, school supplies for the kids, hot water tank, sewer systems, stuff caught up.

Lee: And that's added to the trauma of remembering what happened.

Alston: That's added to that. That's added to that.

Lee: Does it ever feel like the needs are just too much and too great?

Alston: What’s too much. I needed somebody to let me have a place to sleep. Was that too much for them to let me? For four years, I needed someplace to sleep, never told me no. I don't judge anybody. What they need is what they need. It's not for me to say.

Lee: So here we are a year later. Is the city in a bright moment now, a moment that’s as dark as it has been? Where are we in terms of just the overall healing and energy in the city after the tragedy?

Alston: I'm not going to say it's bright. It's not done. It's a healing light. It's that calm light right now, that light that you’re in when there's like no sound and you have time to think. I'm going to say we're in that right now.

We're headed to light. Hopefully, we'll get there without anything else happening. But, right now, we OK.

Lee: OK. And OK is better than --

Alston: Better than where we came from. Better than where we came from.

Lee: Back at Tops, there's something that Rinniey has for Trinetta, a surprise.

Baker: Look.

Alston: What?

Baker: I have something for you.

Alston: What?

Baker: You know the anniversary is coming up, right?

Alston: Yes.

Baker: And I had this made for you.

Lee: Rinniey holds up a black T-shirt with the Tops logo and the date 5-14 in large lettering on the back. There's a version of the shirt for customers. But Rinniey wants Trinetta to know this shirt has a little something extra special on it.

On the front, there's a heart that surrounds the Tops logo and the words “Forever in Our Hearts.” This is just for store employees.

Alston: You are not going to make me cry today. You are not.

Baker: Yes, I had this made for you.

Alston: Thank you.

Baker: See, these are the employee ones. He's making some for customers. The customers won't have that on them.

Alston: OK. OK.

Baker: And you are an employee of Tops.

Alston: Thank you.

Baker: Truly, I thank you.

Alston: You are not --

Baker: No, I'm serious. May 14th may have been a tragedy, but the good thing came out of it is you, because I wouldn't have never met you. I wouldn't have known nothing about mercy. So I thank God for bringing you into my life. We need that shoulder, so I think coming into my life. I can't speak for nobody else, but I thank you for coming in my life.

Lee: The devastation the gunman caused here in East Buffalo runs deep. And though there has been healing, people like Rinniey, Nikki, Fragrance and Trinetta were the people who will be touched by the music played by the kids over at Love Supreme will never be the same.

And Buffalo isn't unique. Each hate-fueled mass shooting in America creates a mammoth ripple effect of trauma. Each El Paso, Orlando and Charleston causes pain that goes far beyond the victims and their families.

Just this past weekend, a man killed eight people and wounded seven others with an AR-15 style assault rifle in outlet mall near Dallas. Law enforcement says the man posted racist and white nationalist beliefs online and had multiple Nazi tattoos.

Healing is going to look different for every person and for every city. But if the people of East Buffalo can teach us anything is that the strongest healing balm (ph) might be the community itself.

Alston: I could not let go.

Moore: No, he ain't going to turn on a fan. I don’t want my hair to blow off.

(LAUGHTER)

Alston: She said off.

Moore: Off, literally.

Alston: Y'all getting written up today. This is insane. I'm getting written up, too, probably.

Lee: She said you all must stress her out. She's here to relieve stress. You all been stressing her out.

Alston: I did not say that.

Lee: Follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook using the handle @intoamericapod, or you can tweet me @trymainelee. That’s @trymainelee, my full name. And if you want to write to us, our email is intoamerica@nbcuni.com. That was intoamerica@nbc and the letters U-N-I.com. And please rate and review “Into America” on Apple Podcasts or wherever you're listening right now.

“Into America” is produced by Isabel Angell, Allison Bailey, Mike Brown, Aaron Dalton, and Max Jacobs. Original music is by Hannis Brown. Our executive producer is Aisha Turner. Special thanks this week to Scott Alexander, Stefanie Cargill, April Franklin, Paulette Harris, and Elliot Lester. Throughout the episode, we heard music by Fragrance Harris Stanfield, the Love Supreme School of Music, and the Rodney Whitaker Ensemble, all recorded recently in Buffalo, New York.

I'm Trymaine Lee. See you next Thursday.