Gwendolyn Bounds was at a dinner party in her mid-40s when she overheard someone asking a little girl in attendance the simple question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Bounds, an award-winning journalist, couldn’t get the moment out of her head. She realized that at middle age, no one asks you that question anymore.
So, she asked that question to herself, which kicked off an unexpected five-year journey where she went from an unathletic desk-bound news executive to a world championship competitor in obstacle course racing, which includes tasks like scaling tall walls, carrying heavy sandbags up mountains, climbing under barbed wire and jumping over fire.
Bounds tells that story in her new book, “Not Too Late: The Power of Pushing Limits at Any Age.” In it, she speaks to experts, including scientists, longevity doctors, philosophers and elite athletes on how we can unearth a second wind and push boundaries at any stage in our life.
Know Your Value recently chatted with Bounds about the book and how we push our boundaries mid-life -- and beyond.
Below is the conversation, which has been edited for brevity and clarity:
Know Your Value: In your book, you talk about a “midlife assassin” — and how your strategy to fight this assassin came through obstacle course racing. Tell us more about this “midlife assassin” and the potential upside you discovered.
Gwendolyn Bounds: Search online for “midlife synonyms” — which I did while writing my book — and contemplate the hardly-inspiring results. “Crisis,” “breakdown,” “the wrong side of 40,” “stressful,” and my personal favorite, “tube sock,” popped up like hazard-ahead warnings.
I began to visualize a stealth assassin waiting in the rafters of the concert hall where our life’s composition plays out. The assassin bides its time through childhood and early adulthood, with all the bright notes of newness and possibility. But in midlife, our routines can fall into a cycle of sameness — same work routines, same friends, same chores, same restaurants, etc. as Monday slips into Friday. And that’s when the midlife assassin strikes.
We begin to believe we are fully baked as humans; stop seeking new challenges and gravitate toward our competencies. There’s a risk of chronic boredom, which research has dubbed a health hazard associated with anxiety, depression and making mistakes. We think, “maybe that’s just how it is at this age.”
Yet, what I discovered was that with some will, there’s a way to fight back. It means rethinking who we believe we are and still can be. That’s what obstacle course racing did for me. As a gangly kid last-picked for sports teams, “competitive athlete” was the last thing I (or anyone who loved me) ever thought I’d become. They knew me as a journalist, an executive, a wife, a friend, a daughter. And yet, just as I approached age 50 — just as the midlife assassin came for me — I embraced this beautiful and brutal sport requiring endurance, speed and strength.
Doing so made me realize the file labeled “me” wasn’t a locked one. And it became my best defense against the assassin.
Know Your Value: What’s your advice to women who are looking to make a mid-life pivot but don’t know where to begin?
Bounds: …We all had dreams as kids. Some we’ve reached by middle age; many we probably didn’t. Yet now the sand in your hourglass is probably at least half empty. Thinking about that reality helps you focus and prioritize time and energy on what is truly essential. What do you want to be in the time that is left to you?
Research shows that when pivoting, you’ll get further, faster by pursuing something where you are intrinsically motivated by personal satisfaction and drive, versus extrinsically driven by something like money or an award. Forget about the external value society puts on things: what is something that excites you enough to turn off Netflix, forgo another glass of wine, go to bed earlier or tackle it even if the weather is awful?
Once I heard that if you find something you were made fun of as a kid, and you become good at it, that it will become your superpower. This speaks to me. I was the little girl who cowered behind her best friend during dodgeball. My nickname in seventh grade was “Bones” in honor of my Olive Oyl frame. I was born one year before Title IX gave women the right to equal footing in sports — yet I never felt strong.
Obstacle course racing requires me to lift myself over 8-foot walls, climb a 17-foot rope, carry 40 lb. sandbags, run through mountainous terrain and even throw a spear. I’ve gone from being at the back of the pack to being a real contender for my age group with 19 top-three finishes in a brand of competition called Spartan Race and two world championship competitions under my belt. This pivot has quieted those demons of my youth more than any therapist or meditation app. I no longer feel there is something untapped in my tank.
Know Your Value: What was the most challenging obstacle course race you have ever done? And what lessons did you take from that race that you apply to your everyday life?
Bounds: There have been a few where I’ve left a piece of my soul on the course, and every race reinforces critical life lessons. Carrying heavy things long distances is a tutorial in willpower. Taking your penalty lap after failing an obstacle schools you in personal accountability. Throwing a spear where you get one attempt is a masterclass in performing under pressure.
Racing in the vast desert dunes of the United Arab Emirates was especially challenging because I badly injured my coccyx bone after falling off an obstacle with eight miles to go. I’d traveled more than 7,000 miles to be there and had to instantly shift my mindset and objective from trying to win to simply finishing and not being last. (I made it, just barely.) Being able to reset your goals, strategy and not give up when things don’t go as planned — and to be content — is a very important life skill.
But perhaps the race that taught me the greatest lesson was one I never finished. It was in the mountains of New Jersey. I was early in my racing journey and vastly unprepared for the cold temperatures, both from a gear perspective and my own mental fortitude. After a cold-water obstacle where we submerged ourselves fully clothed, I eventually quit because my muscles seized up and I was shivering so hard they took me to the medical tent.
I’d never quit anything in my life until that point. But that day was a gift and turning point. I can’t rely on a 25-year-old body to just power through so I’ve turned to information: intel on gear, clothing, weather, hydration, terrain, sleep. It’s made me a far better competitor.
Know Your Value: You write about how age can be a secret weapon. Tell us more about this notion.
Bounds: There are three critical components to this weapon: crystallized intelligence, patience and perspective.
First, the older you are, the more you’ve tried, failed, succeeded and learned. You have a vast bank of wisdom — your crystallized intelligence — to draw upon in pivotal moments. This wisdom can help you locate edges and equalizers to master the task at hand. An example: I was stung badly by wasps during a race but remembered from childhood that packing cool mud on the welts would alleviate the pain and swelling. That edge helped me cross the finish line when others didn’t.
Then there is patience and perspective. Author Alex Hutchinson, who wrote the great book Endure, put it to me this way: “When you’re older, you can see the bigger picture more than you could when you were seventeen. It’s really easy to get excited about big goals, but to actually achieve them requires patience to take care of details, patience to stay on track when obstacles arise. Older people often are more patient.” In racing, I’m a slow starter but a strong finisher — so I typically fall behind in the beginning of a race, which feels terrible in the moment. But my patience with this reality ultimately helps me place better.
Whether you’re fielding difficult questions during a presentation, navigating something frustrating with your spouse or kid, negotiating for a new car, or running an endurance race — wisdom, patience and perspective can change the playing field to your advantage. One data point: research from MIT’s Sloan School of Management found when it comes to the highest-growth new start-up ventures, “successful entrepreneurs are middle-aged, not young.”
Know Your Value: You write that change is possible at any age when we push our limits. What are your new goals and what do you hope to accomplish in the next decade?
Bounds: Common wisdom says to take risks while you are young. But obstacle course racing has made me much less risk averse as I’ve passed the half century mark. A year and a half ago, I left a safe executive job at a venerable media company to take a job at a tech start-up. I’m one of the oldest employees there. My younger peers teach me about AI; I took them on their first Spartan Race.
People with more positive perceptions of aging live 7.5 years longer on average, according to research from a Yale professor of epidemiology named Becca Levy. Part of this is about having a “will to live” inclusive of pastimes that excite and push us. My goal is to keep pushing myself to find comfort in discomfort — whether in the workplace learning new technology or challenging my body and mind to stay strong. Fly-fishing, which requires patience and precision, speaks to me. I also have new racing goals. This November, I hope to complete a three-day competition in Sparta, Greece. Meanwhile, I hope to start learning to speak Greek.
People often ask: “Aren’t you worried you’re too old for this kind of sport?” Fair enough. But I interviewed a woman nicknamed Muddy Mildred while reporting Not Too Late who at 83-years-old completed an obstacle course race. She was grinning with the “will to live” in photos as she slithered on her belly under barbed wire in a gooey pool of mud.
“I would say if people were interested in doing something, whether they really can or not, they ought to give it a try and then they know. And just kind of get that out of their system,” says the woman who in her ninth decade on earth scrambled over inverted walls and carried heavy sandbags on her shoulders. “I would have hated to have said, ‘Oh … I can’t do this at my age’ and have missed all of this.”
I’m pretty sure Muddy Mildred left the midlife assassin in the dust.